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The night had gone well, and we seemed to like each other,
so I tried to kiss her good-night—and missed!
by Bruce Monson
Speaking of Kissing
I was 16 when a cousin of mine
set me up with her friend. At that time I didn’t consider a kiss to be a very
meaningful thing. I thought that kissing a date good-night was just a way of
saying thank you for the date if both of us had enjoyed being together.
As I picked up my date and spent
time with her, I was impressed by both her looks and her personality. We seemed
to be having a great time together. Sometime during the date, I started
debating whether or not I should kiss her good-night.
Before the date was over, I
decided that she was having a good time, she seemed to like me, and kissing her
good-night would be okay. After I walked her to her door and we talked for a
while, I attempted to kiss her. As I did, she moved just enough so that I
“missed.” She turned the attempted kiss into a hug, as if that was what I had
meant it to be. She thanked me for the date and went inside.
She had subtly made it look like
the hug was all I had intended, but it did not feel very subtle at the time. I
thought the people waiting in the car had probably noticed, and I was
embarrassed. But mostly I felt like I had blown it. She was a fun girl, and I
thought she would never want to go out with me again because I had tried to
kiss her when she did not want to be kissed.
The next day I went to see my
cousin, and she excitedly asked how the date had gone. I told her about the
great time I had, but also said that her friend would probably never want to go
out with me again. I explained what had happened and said I was very anxious to
know how her friend felt. I asked my cousin if she would call her friend to
inquire about the date. The response of my date surprised me. She told my
cousin that she had fun, but she was sure I wouldn’t want to go out with her
again. It had not even occurred to me that she might think I’d be upset at her
for turning her head. She went on to explain to my cousin that she just didn’t
believe in kissing on the first date. That was a moment of change in my life.
I decided if an impressive girl
like her chose not to kiss on the first date, I would never kiss on the first
date either. But something more important occurred to me later as I thought
about those events. I realized that I had been asking her to choose between her
standards and what I wanted. That bothered me a lot. I did not think of myself
as that kind of person. I promised myself I would never again put a young woman
in that situation.
What it means for you
In observing the students I have
taught in seminary over the last two decades, I noticed more and more youth
choosing to carefully follow the instructions found in For
the Strength of Youth.
President Spencer W. Kimball
stated, “Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of
affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for
trouble. What do kisses mean when handed out like pretzels and robbed of
sacredness?” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball,
281).
Since President Hinckley has
asked youth not to become steadily involved with one person while in high
school, does that mean that kissing while in high school is unwise? I had not
heard President Kimball’s counsel while I was dating, but fortunately some
personal experiences taught me the truth of his advice. After I graduated from
high school, I thought a lot about how special kisses should be.
I have more and more students
each year in my seminary classes express the desire to follow President
Kimball’s counsel and save their kisses. There are many who have decided to
stop kissing in their dating relationships and wait for a time when it can be
more meaningful. I have children who have chosen to follow that advice, and I
have seen the blessings that flow from it. If you will be determined to save
your kisses for the appropriate time, and follow the guidelines set for us by
prophets, you will reap the joy and peace that come from keeping sacred things
sacred. You will also avoid the great sorrow and heartache that come from
falling into the trap of immorality.
Don’t give up what you want most
for something you want now. If, as Mormon tells his son, virtue is most
precious and dear above all things (see Moro. 9:9), then
it is worth sacrificing for.
For the Strength of You
The General Authorities have
given guidelines that can help you understand where you should draw lines you
will not cross. For the Strength of Youth advises
you to not date before you are 16 years old, to go out in groups when you do
date, and to avoid pairing off exclusively with one partner. President Gordon
B. Hinckley has told youth, “When you are young, do not get involved in steady
dating. When you reach an age where you think of marriage, then is the time to
become so involved. But you boys who are in high school don’t need this, and
neither do the girls” (Ensign, Nov. 1997, 51).
“How Much Kissing is Too Much?”
This question is catchy and
interesting—but the “how much” approach is the wrong way to look at this issue.
The first kiss given by a girl I know to a certain fellow [was one too many],
because it led to many more and to a miserable marriage.
The important questions are
these: Whom should I kiss? Why? Under what circumstances?
Many things around you encourage
you to give affection, such as your physical maturity, movies, advertising,
music, stories, articles, and conversation. Granted this is the trend of the
day. But there are good reasons why you should be discriminating and
self-controlled in your giving of affection. As you are aware, kissing is more
stimulating than satisfying; consequently, it invites more and more. Once a
couple begins to share affection in a physical way, this activity tends to
become the focus of interest. Often such a couple ceases to explore the other
significant dimensions of personality: mind, character, maturity, religious
faith, moral values, and goals.
Affection should grow out of
genuine friendship and brotherly love, not precede them, if one wishes to be
sure of having real and lasting love in marriage. Kissing for the sake of
kissing invites more affection, and many fine young people become more deeply involved
than they actually wish to be.
Affection should never be sought
after as an end in itself, because this does violence to a person.
Excerpted
from Lowell Bennion, Q&A, New Era, Feb. 1971,
5–6.
Counsel from the Prophet
“The Lord has made us attractive
one to another for a great purpose. But this very attraction becomes as a
powder keg unless it is kept under control. It is beautiful when handled in the
right way. It is deadly if it gets out of hand.
“It is for this reason that the
Church counsels against early dating. This rule is not designed to hurt you in
any way. It is designed to help you, and it will do so if you will observe it.
“Steady dating at an early age
leads so often to tragedy. Studies have shown that the longer a boy and girl
date one another, the more likely they are to get into trouble.
